Sunday, 31 August 2014

map making

I am pretty sure that midlife is about map making.

Every time I visit my childhood home I know I am creating an internal map of me that is probably not that different from anyone else's internal map. I have the same desires for love and comfort, integrity and contribution, creative expression and will, as anyone else. I am pretty sure the same type of characters appear in my map as they do in yours, albeit different faces. And, I am pretty sure we are all after soul breath, those sometimes tiny and sometimes deep breaths that help our body, mind, and spirit work together.

Midlife is full of reflection.  Who I once was makes me think of who I am now while I search for the me that has never changed.  Where I once lived reminds me of old paths and friends, trees and people, who all appear on my map of me.  Emotional and physical and mental landscapes appear side by side and on top of each other in my map.  Pretty sure they appear that way for you too.

There is another landmark I have been adding to my map: wisdom.  I am not sure what its shape is or what it will look like on my map, but I am noticing how I will not be able to go anywhere without it.

Since my mother died a year ago, I am aware of how I want to collect as much wisdom from her generation as possible.  Maybe I am just a grieving daughter who misses her Mom. Maybe I wish I would have collected more of her wisdom when she was physically present in my life.  Maybe I am just at midlife and that's what we do when we arrive here:  we make maps, we make decisions about colours and shapes, we find landmarks that mean something to us, we search for wisdom, and we continue on.

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